…..moving

Am on the move.

House Warming, all invited, bring a bottle.

Mummy x

…..chuckle spot

In the comments to Sshhmoking I received this missive from

Stella:-

I don’t think I would have been as understanding as your friend. You really are a chav.

My reply:-

“I don’t think I would have been as understanding as your friend. You really are a chav.”

Says the Laydee that sports the same name as that infamous chav tipple ‘Wife Beater’ aka Stella Actatwat.

Larf, I almost pissed in my cheap knock off Katy Price lookalike velour tracksuit bottoms with matching bra and handbag.

See that’s the weirdest of weird things regarding friends. You know, real human ones, not those twats you collect on facebook. You become friends because you have a lot in common. Oddly enough, my friend doesn’t smoke but she does have a wicked sense of humour.

Something you appear to lack.

Mummy x

…..Sshhmoking

Do you ever do things that you know you shouldn’t but when the chance arises you just can’t resist the temptation.

Whilst doing my Christmas shopping, with a friend, last week, such a chance arose. Friend and I had spent approx two hours traipsing round the shops, getting this, that and the other for assorted family members when friend said she needed to go into Holland and Barrett for some glukosomonosylibalites or some such crap for her sister-in-law (what the fuck is wrong with smellies or a bottle of plonk?). I have no use for Holland and Barrett. The only thing they sell that I would be interested in are the Seaweed Peanuts and I don’t eat them because they are good for me, I eat them because they are fucking yummy.

As luck would have it, right outside H&B was a bench. So my friend headed inside to look for monoglukohybridicos and grab a couple of bags of nuts for moi and I headed for the bench outside and opted for a ‘fag break’. I rolled a fag and prepared to light it, whilst keeping an eye on the shop door for my friend. Just as I put lighter to fag I happened to make eye contact with an Older Lady who was exiting H&B with a fully laden bag and a man (I assume it was her hubby/partner) in tow. I am not kidding when I say she stopped dead in her tracks, looked me up and down, mentioned something to her companion and then made a beeline for moi.

She sat down next to me on the bench. And I mean next to me. You couldn’t have got a fag paper between us. Her companion sat down on her other side. She then made a great show of checking her purchases. And coughing. And muttering to her companion. Every time she coughed she glanced at me. Then she waved her hand back and forth in front of her nose. And muttered some more. I continued to smoke. I then finished my fag and stubbed it out, underfoot. I gave her just enough time to draw a deep breath before I picked the butt up and placed it in the bin next to the bench. I then sat back down.

No sign of friend.

So I decided to roll another fag. Slowly. And Older Lady spluttered, coughed and handwaved whilst rummaging in her bags some more. As I pulled out my lighter she pulled out a pot of gunk. As I lit my fag she started to apply this gunk to her hands, whilst coughing, muttering and hand waving etc. Just then my friend emerged from H&B and plonked herself down beside me. The coughing etc got a little louder. I finished my fag, disposed of the evidence and sat back down. Older Lady continued to cough and rub in her gunk.

As my friend moaned about the cost of ‘monohybridglukodognuts vs 3 for £10 Pino Collapso’ I sniffed her. Then I sniffed her again. She looked at me like I was crazy. I sniffed her a third time and said, loudly enough, ‘Jesus! what is that smell?’. My friend looked aghast. I sniffed her a fourth time and asked ‘What on earth have you tried on in that shop, it stinks?’. I then made a little retching noise and waved both hands in front of my face. ‘Fuck me, that’s awful’ I stated between splutters. ‘But I didn’t use anything’ my friend cried. I made another couple of hand waving, retching motions. ‘Well something stinks’ stated me. So I sniffed her again, then I started sniffing the air in front of me. I slowly worked from my right (friend) to my left (Older lady). I added a litle more retch and wave as I went.

Finally, I made eye contact with Older Lady. I sniffed. Then I glanced at the pot in her hands. I sniffed again and retched a little.  I made further eye contact with her. ‘Oh’ says me, as I made another litle retching motion. I then grabbed my friends arm and dragged her off down the HighStreet.

I made a big point of glancing back at the Older Lady and retching a little as we walked away.

My friend understood when I explained.

…..hands up

all those innocent peeps, both male and female, that fancy having their DNA swiped because some chavvy slapper got so fucked off her face she can’t remember how she ended up at a strangers flat.

Detectives from Colchester are trying to work out how the woman got to the flat and whether she was alone.

They have not ruled out her drink may have been spiked, but are investigating all possibilities.

I reckon the rest of us can figure out what happened, sadly the local Police can’t so they are after our help -

Anyone who saw her between midnight on Monday and the early hours of Tuesday should call Det Sgt Merry on 0300 3334444.

Yeah, right, what this should actually say is Anyone who saw her between midnight on Monday and the early hours of Tuesday and is stupid enough to call Det Sgt Merry on 0300 3334444 should also expect to have their DNA taken, plus fingerprints etc whilst Det Sgt Merry laughs his socks off and adds another sucker to the DataBase.

H/T to JuliaM for pointing this story out.

…..priceless

Last week there was a bit of kerfuffle about GP’s offering advice on Glomal Warbling (stolen from AE). Most peeps were of the opinion that GP’s should stick to treating sick peeps and leave the AGW propaganda to those that are trained to lie about it properly, you know, politicians, scientists, Al Gore etc. As usual, the minute GP’s are mentioned there was the usual trumpeting of how much these guys and gals earn in relation to what they actually do. Now I’m not going to get into that discussion here but it is relevant to my post.

GP’s get paid reasonably well, and so they should, after all, they put in the training (over many years), got grades good enough to become a GP and are responsible for saving lives, curing illness etc. Labour created new contracts for GP’s and Dentists. They figured it would save the NHS a load of dosh, and may be it has, but it also means you can’t see a GP out of hours and you can’t get an NHS Dentist. Labour created this system yet everyone jumps on the GP’s. Very little is mentioned about the dentists. GP’s opted to work normal hours for the same pay as before, when another (all be it shitty) system was put in place to take up the slack (NHS Direct). Dentists opted to work the same hours for the same pay as before by going private when there was no alternative system in place to take up the slack.

Another thing that Labour created were QOF’s. This scheme is cunningly disguised as a performance related pay scheme but it is basically a data collection system that pays GP’s (or Practise Nurses) to collect data. Check out Dr Crippens Blog for more info. Now QOF’s are the things that boost a GP’s income. Sure GP’s could refuse to do them* but let’s be honest, if you worked the till at ASDA and your boss said He’d give you a pound per person if you were prepared to ask them which butter they preferred you’d do it wouldn’t you?. Why should GP’s be any different.

What most people never take into account when ripping into GP’s, Nurses, Hospitals or anything associated with the NHS is the rules that Labour have created regarding how these people go about their jobs. Like the Contracts, MTAS etc these rules, regs, pathways and initiatives were created by shitty little people in shitty little offices with shitty little targets and shitty little budgets. Some times Dr’s are involved, but they are Dr’s that qualified a million years ago, have never, ever treated a patient and pay Bupa/HSA monthly to make sure they are never on the receiving end of their wonderful ‘initiatives’.

The start, middle and end point for all these initiatives is control of the proles saving money, even if it costs more in the long run. NHS -IT, the multi billion pound computer scheme that is years late and billions over budget is about to be mothballed by Labour, they claim it is because they need to save money but simply put, it is because the system was shit and didn’t work. It was designed as a massive data base that would collect information about every person that used the NHS. Turns out it didn’t work. The data collectors couldn’t use it to input the collected data. So Labour are going to scrap it.

But hey, it has and will save us tons of money. Kind of. Well it hasn’t and won’t actually save us money, it just diverts it to a more worthy cause. As long as that money goes into the pockets of the Managers, outreach workers, cease smoking nurses etc who the fuck cares if a couple of hundred, thousand, million people get shit, mediocre, dangerous, life ending treatment. After all, those people that can’t get a dentist, or a life prolonging drug are only the sad arse fucks that pay in billions every year to keep the NHS afloat. How very dare they expect to get anything back from it. After all, if they feel hard done by they can always blame the GP, or the Nurse, or the Hospital. As the public know, GP’s etc are just parasites that are only interested in earning hundreds of thousands of pounds whilst playing golf and allowing innocent patients to suffer in pain or even die through inadequate treatment. Aren’t they?

Sick-note guidance ‘ignored by many GPs’

There is a large variation in how long patients are signed off work for by GPs for the same condition, despite clear national guidance, a study suggests.

So GP’s are going against national guidance, what is this national guidance?.

Only one in 20 GPs surveyed followed government advice on sickness leave.

Oh, so the government advice on sick leave is being ignored and GP’s are sending patients back to work too soon just to get them off the books…………..oh

Occupational therapists said a “culture shift” was needed to get people back to work more quickly.

A culture shift?. What the fuck has culture got to do with being ill?. As for getting people back to work more quickly, what sort of illness are you talking about, ingrowing toenail removal, Nora Virus, Flu?

For the study published in Occupational Medicine, the researchers looked at hernia repair, hysterectomy and heart attack.

Oh……..your talking about serious, life changing, sometime fatal illnesses then.

For hernia operations some GPs recommended four to six weeks off work, compared with the recommended one to two weeks.

Labour says 2 weeks is sufficient to recover from major surgery performed to shove whichever errant organ had escaped, back into it’s rightfull place and stitch the hole it escaped through shut. Some GP’s disagree.

For a hysterectomy, only a quarter of GPs suggested the appropriate seven weeks, with answers ranging from two to 13 weeks.

Labour think that any woman that has a hysterectomy, regardless of the cause, be it heavy periods, ruptured ectopic pregnancy with added complications or even cervical/ovarian cancer, should need no more than 7 weeks rest before she gets back to work. Some GP’s disagree.

A third of those surveyed suggested heart attack patients should be off work for longer than the four to six weeks outlined on the Department of Work and Pensions website, the researchers said.

Labour think that four to six weeks in long enough to recover from a heart attack, even if you died and were bought back to life multiple times. Even if the damage done to your heart was quite severe. Some GP’s disagree.

How odd, I wonder if the GP’s are just being awkward and ungrateful for the wonderful ‘initiatives’ that Labour has bestowed upon them. You know those ‘initiatives’ that have made GP’s almost as unpopular as bankers. Or may be those GP’s figure that having trained for many years to deal with stuff like this, they are better placed to deal with decisions relating to peoples general well being and their recovery after a hernia repair, hysterectomy or heart attack than some pen pushing cunt from the Department of Work and Pensions.

The study also showed that almost two-thirds of GPs had not received any training in sickness certification and the average amount of training for those who had was four hours.

So, approx 8 years at college and University is not enough training to qualify a person in the art of spotting someone who is too sick to work.

So, if you take Heroin or Crack you can be classed as long term sick/disabled and get a continuous sick note (gives you £20 a week more than Income Support) but if you have your womb, falopian tubes etc removed you should cut your fucking moaning and get back to work pronto, after all, Labour needs your tax to provide for all those really sick drug addicts don’t they.

Remember. Next time you visit your GP and he/she QOF’s you, they didn’t make these rules. If he/she asks you those annoying questions about units, how much you smoke etc give the answers, and give them with a smile. Yes, it may be pointless to your consultation at the time, and yes, it may well be done to earn them some extra dosh. However, when the shit comes down, you may find you are one of the lucky ones. You may find that your GP is one of the 19/20 that thinks you should be given enough time to recover from a serious illness regardless of what Labour think/want/need from your wage packet.

To be honest, that kind of treatment, well, it’s priceless.

*I’m not actually sure if GP’s can opt out of QOF’s. Either way it’s a rock and a hard place.

Sorry folks, I updated this to add even more rant.

…..quote of the day

“We see patterns on the bones of animals indicating that they have been spit-roasted,” he said. “We have seen some of these same patterns on the human bones [at this site].”

It’s not what you think but this quote, it make me larf.

…..spinaret vs minaret

So Switzerland held a vote. The ‘elected representatives’ asked the people they are ‘elected to represent’ if Minarets should be allowed. The people said NO. The people did not say anything else. They just said that Minarets were not needed for the worship of Islam and that they were not welcome in a Christian country. They are happy for any person, of any faith, to practise their beliefs in designated buildings or at home. However, they are not happy for those believers to stick a big fuck off flag of ‘conquest’ on top of those buildings

Europe’s press says Swiss ban sends wrong signal

In this Beeb article there is a very revealing quote about the state of modern politics and the EU (well I think it is anyway) -

Several papers criticise the type of democracy practised in Switzerland, which allows ordinary people rather than elected representatives to decide on such matters.

Now call me stupid but I thought democracy was all about the ordinary people and what they wanted. It would appear that there are different types of democracy and the type that allows the ordinary people living in a country the right to actually have a say in something that affects them is wrong. This statement really sums up the government in the UK and the EU as a whole. They are not interested in the ordinary people, they are not interested in what the ordinary people want or more importantly, don’t want. Only elected (or in the case of the EU unelected) peoples have the right to make important decisions. The ordinary people don’t count.

That is not democracy. That is dictatorship.

The Minaret vote showed how democracy should be done. The ‘elected representatives’ made the decision to listen to the people. They then decided the best way to deal with this was to allow the people a vote on the subject. And vote they did. Had the vote gone the other way I doubt we would have heard about it, but because the voters didn’t do what was expected (well it was expected in Switzerland) shock, horror, dismay. Reminds me of another situation but for the life of me I can’t recall what. Oh yes, that’s right, Ireland and the NO vote. You know that NO vote that was re-run, because the first vote was wrong. Some people are demanding that the Swiss vote again. It’s very odd this type of ‘acceptable’ democracy.

I personally think that the EU is pretty shaken by this vote. The idea that a European country would allow the people living there to decide on something as important as this goes against all their principles. The EU works from the Top Down. Nameless, faceless people come up with the latest wheeze, lots of other nameless, faceless people decide (behind closed doors) that this lastest wheeze is a cracking idea, then it becomes a directive, law, whatever. At no point are the 500 million people subject to these wheezes consulted. They are just expected to pay for them and obey them.

Switzerland is a unique place. It is completely surrounded by EU member states and yet it is not a member itself. It is a tiny country, and yet it has remained independant. Switzerland is famous for two things, it’s Cuckoo Clocks and it’s Banking Services. I suspect the EU hate this with a passion, and no, I don’t mean the EU has a phobia about crappy wooden clocks with little birds inside. Oh how they would love to get their grimey paws on all that loot. No hiding place for tax evaders/avoiders if Switzerland was to join the EU. I believe this is the reason that the Minaret Vote has been blown out of all proportion. I also think there is a deeper, darker reason.

How dare the Swiss simply say NO to Islamification. How very dare they simply halt the march of Islam by saying ‘Nah, don’t think so chum’. Have they no idea how many squillions of Euro’s and Pounds and Dollars have been squandered spent fighting radical Muslims in their own lands whilst allowing them unfettered access to ours. Have they no idea how many lives have been wasted lost in the War on Terror in whilst most of the Terror was home grown.

How easy (and cheap) it could would have been to just say NO. How easy it would have been to stop Islamification in it’s footsteps. Sadly the EU’s ideals are based around bombing the radical Muslims in their own country and killing thousands of civillians in the process, thus driving radicals and civillians abroad and right into the arms of the people that are bombing them.

As a comparison for my argument – Swine Flu. It’s not a home grown problem, but we are happy to vaccinate against it, in the hope of saving lives. With Swine Flu, prevention is better than cure (there is none). The Government did not advocate a war or mass bombing program to defeat this problem. Even though Swine Flu has killed more people this year than Manic Muslims.

This could have been an even longer post but my morals have been compromised. I was waffling a huge amount of shite whilst waiting for a parcel. I am now the proud owner of a Samsung Jet. I could have had a Blackberry but I’m honest enough to admit that I am so thick that a Blackberry would have been as much use to me as a eyebrow threader.

Inspiration for this post comes from David Herzig, Guest of Trixxy.

…..time for a quickie

Oooo er Missus!.

Sorry for the lack of blogging, tis ‘Tinsel Time’.

Quick Flick of the Beeb* -

Mother and stepfather of hanged girl on neglect charge -

I have a real nasty feeling about this story. My ‘Bullshit Radar’ is twanging so hard you could play ‘Little Donkey’ on it. I’m thinking lack of support, shitty social workers, etc. Also the lack of background to this story speaks volumes. I remember the Beeb featuring this story as it happened a lot, but none of those articles are linked to this story.

Library ban for ‘pungent body odour’ man

Ha ha ha ha ha – Welcome to the world of the smoker, sucks shit don’t it. Slippery slope, what slippery slope?.

Music pair jailed over death plot

How odd, there are no related links to this story. It is as if this story appeared out of thin air. Right at the jailing stage. I can’t decide if the Beeb’s disinterest in this story stems from the ‘is it cos I is black’ theme or the ‘is it cos I is black and my education is privately funded by my Mum’. Bit of a tough one for the Beeb.

Man charged over fatal accident

I’m going to Hell, for sure. This story is titter-perfect, I did wonder if he was just  ‘drumming up trade’.

*Tommorrow I will do a Quick Flick of  The Daily Wail. Unless, of course, I have drowned under an unrelenting tide of tinsel, baubles and ’stick each individual fucking branch on a fucking plastic tree’ type stuff. If so, you’ll have to wait till Sunday.

…..sorry?

Dog that mauled boy to death was an illegal breed

John Paul Massey died from head and neck injuries in the attack at his grandmother’s home in Wavertree.

Merseyside Police said the dog was a “pitbull terrier-type”, a breed banned under the Dangerous Dogs Act. A criminal investigation has begun.

Well fuck me, that came as a surprise to us all didn’t it…………

The force has apologised after earlier reports of dog breeding at the Ash Grove property were not followed up.

Apologised?, to whom?.

To the little boy who died because his parent/s thought breeding and training dogs like this was a quick way to earn some dosh?.

To the parent/s that put their son in a fatal situation for a couple of quid and the chance to look ‘well ard’?.

To the grandmother that thought it was ok for her grandchild to live (and die) with animals bred to fight and kill?.

Who exactly are the Force apologising to, and furthermore, why are they apologising?.

Is dog breeding an illegal activity?. Nope.

Was the dog easily identifiable as a ‘Dangerous Dog’?. Nope.

Could this tragedy have been prevented by the Police?. Nope.

Had the Police seized the dog/s back in February would this have stopped the parent/s from buying or breeding more?. Nope.

How about an apology from the family, an apology for the fact that they left a 4 year child in a house with a dog that was bred to fight and kill. This was not the fault of the Police. It was the fault of the Parent/s and the fault of the Grandmother.

…..oh

Wow, big question here.

My Ma was 62.

I’m 36.

My daughter is 10.

My Mum died.

I’m alive.

My daughter wants to know how long I have left?.

She wants to be prepared. She doesn’t want to be as sad as me when her mum dies.

What the fuck to you say to a statement like that?.