Things that make you go what the cunting fuckity fuck? hmmmmm?.
Sex act optician in jail warning
An optician who performed a sex act on himself while giving a 14-year-old girl an eye exam in West Yorkshire has been warned that he could be sent to jail.
Could?. As in might not?. What the fuck?. In my opinion, if an optician performed a sex act on himself whilst giving my daughter an eye exam, the least I could expect is that said optition would be sent to jail, and it should be for quite some time.
He was also found guilty of performing a sex act in the window of his shop.
A sex act?. In a shop window?. Of an Opticians?. Now I understand that a ’sex act’ can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. I know that there are some people in Bradford that view holding hands in public as a ’sex act’, but let’s be honest folks, to the general public, a sex act is only ever going to mean something sexual, which means he was either partaking in some glazial* frottage with some artfully displayed bi-focals or he was having a quick wank in full view of the local high street. Either way, this is not what you expect to see when you drop in for your annual eye test.
Anyhoo
Referring to the possibility Gill could face a prison sentence, Judge Rodney Grant said there were “no promises” about what sentence he would receive.
Er, Judge Rodders, what the fuck is this could bit. The guy is obviously a perv, see previous conviction of ‘performing a sex act in the window of his shop’. Furthermore, you are not paid or trusted to give promises, you are paid and trusted to give judgement.
Gill was released on conditional bail and will return to Leeds Crown Court in January for sentencing.
I do wonder what these conditions are – Don’t wank off in front of 14 year old girls, don’t wank off in shop windows, don’t get caught wanking off etc……..
The phrase ’should have gone to SpecSavers’ springs to mind, but sadly, Judge Rodders has decided that if you visit any opticians between now and January you may well see more than the eye can behold.
* I’m pretty certain I just made this word up but doesn’t Glazial Frottage have a great ring to it.
‘Glazial Frottage’? Excellent. Sounds more like an obscure STD to me…
“Ah yes, Ms Longlegs, you’re suffering from Glazial Frottage. A course of penicillin should put that right, though you should expect a visit from Social Services”.
D
The “could” part is the bit of that quaint government policy of having no prison places left open.
Hell, I’m surprised he just didn’t get let off with a caution, like a certain other paedophiles.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1212764/Thousands-paedophiles-rapists-let-caution.html
That’s the title of a song by Beverley Knight! That’s how hep and down with the kids I am, that I know this stuff.
“Glazial frottage” reminds me of “frozen yoghurt”, but good word nonetheless.
As an optician, he should KNOW how dangerous this sort of thing is reputed to be to the ocular nerve.
Perahps it was a free eye test. If you went in the shop while he stretched his floppy in the window, you must be desperately in need of glasses. If you went straight past, your eyesight is fine.
Your stomach might be in need of a re-tune though.
I’m not so sure about emprisoning him. Anyone caught having a quick “J Arthur” in his shop window surely cannot be completely sane. Hospitalising him might be a better idea.